"The relation of the individual is as the relation of the single limb to the body. Should the arm, in case bleeding is required, refuse its blood, the whole body, the arm included, would suffer. It is, however, the duty of the individual to bear hardships, or even death, for the sake of the welfare of the commonwealth. He must particularly be careful to contribute his 'portion of the whole,' without fail."
--Rabbi Yehuda Halevi, Kitab al Khazari, Part Three, 19
Tonight is my friend Ariel's last night in Israel. She has to go back to school early for RA training (where have I heard that before??) and so she is leaving Be'er Sheva and me tomorrow morning.
Ariel is not a typical 6-week summer program type of friend. I have many of those, and they are extremely special to me. But Ariel is different because we have worked together every single day of volunteering, from morning to night. Together, we completed two 30 page research papers about domestic violence and shelters worldwide and we created a beautiful community with three teenage girls from the shelter.
Most of my close friends here are super supportive, funny, interesting, motivated people. I am lucky to know them. My friendship with Ariel is different because of the challenges we have faced together. We have not always agreed on how to conduct the research, we have struggled with computer frustrations, we have been stressed by deadlines and expectations from a somewhat intimidating (though also inspiring!) director at the shelter. Our time with "the girls" has been marked by impossible days when the twins can't stand to be in the same room as one another and no one will talk to us and, despite elaborate lesson plans, the girls don't want to do anything.
Our friendship has put us to the test, and we passed! Despite these potential sources of tension, we have spent every day with each other in a spirit of tenderness and love. We have learned from each other at every crossroads, we have collaborated on decisions in productive ways, we have shared incredible moments of inspiration together. If you know me, then you know I am averse to group work. I am highly individualistic and I prefer to operate on my own, even if it means more work for me. I also love to hang out by myself, wander the streets of a strange city on my own, and rub my independence in the world's face.
Being with Ariel is like being with myself, but better. Her humor, knowledge, interests, and feelings vibe so well with me. We have a rhythm together--when to be funny, when to play song-association games, when to talk politics, when to admit we know nothing about politics, when to push, when to pull back. We jive. And she shares my love of R Kelly, even though she's embarrassed to admit it.
Tonight in our group discussion, she shared this idea that it is difficult to have both truth and happiness. This is true. It is also the perfect way to describe my friendship with Ariel. We know the faults, the truth--what her wagging foot means when her legs are crossed, what her tired face looks like, the frustration when her computer is not cooperating, the sigh of complete exasperation with all living beings. And we know the joy, the happiness--laughing so hard our sides hurt, piecing together the dirty words of an Akon song, crashing a birthday party, spontaneous clubbing, taking on the town together. We share our families with each other, through stories, facebook, and even in person (whaddup Aliza!). We share what is meaningful to us, and it becomes meaningful to the other.
The quote at the top of this post is something from my group's source book, which we read during a program at the beginning of the summer. Tonight, we lose a limb. We will survive and go on to function as a group for the remaining few days, but we will always feel that absence. Ariel embodied the other half of that quote as well, because she contributed her portion of the whole without fail. She bore hardships, she gave willingly. We were better for having her.
And I am better because I have her--as a friend, a co-worker, a teacher, a soul sister.
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