Advice for the Young Women of Distinction

When I was named a Young Woman of Distinction Scholar in May of 2009, I was excited to be a part of the weekly leadership class, to have an internship at the Susan B. Anthony House, and to meet the incredible women who shared the honor with me. I expected to have a rewarding and challenging summer. What I didn’t expect was how the lessons I learned would come into play later, during my gap year in Israel and my time at Cornell University as a student and a leader on campus.

I have just finished my Junior year at Cornell, and this is a great opportunity to reflect on what I have accomplished so far and how I became the person I am today. I am currently the President of Cornell Hillel, the Jewish umbrella organization and one of the largest groups on campus. Even though this has nothing to do with my future career as a doctor (fingers crossed!), the Jewish community and traditions have grounded me during a stressful three years as a pre-med student. I thought I would share part of that tradition with you tonight. My guiding principle comes from Judaism, from the great scholar Rabbi Hillel:

If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? 

If I am only for myself, then what am I? 

And if not now, when?

These words concisely convey all that I wish to impart to the young women here tonight. “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?” I cannot stress this enough! If you want to succeed, you must not only believe in yourself, but you must help others to believe in you as well! Play up your strengths in interviews, take risks, answer questions in class, ask for a raise (when the time comes), and stick up for yourself because no one else will. If you receive criticism, learn from it, and move on. Take time for YOU when you need it, and know your limits. Learn how to say no, and be prepared to do it, even if it doesn't please everyone. You do NOT need to please everyone. 

“If I am only for myself, then what am I?” Of course, it is not enough to just stand up for yourself. Think about your vision for a better world, then set strategic goals and start reaching them. We won’t all be Susan B. Anthony, but we can each have a cause that is larger than ourselves. Even if that cause is simply spreading joy to those around us, treating each person with kindness and respect, improving our little corner of the world. My vision is for a world with better health care for women. Perhaps you want to build greener buildings, improve the education system, or create innovative solutions to address hunger and poverty. Whatever it is that you decide to pursue, treat each person you meet along the way as if you have all the time in the world for that person. You are already very busy women, as we heard from your bios earlier, and that is not about to change any time soon. But give each person the time of day. Not because they will be able to help you later, or because you’re “networking,” but because relationships matter. Genuine, non-utilitarian relationships. If you are only for yourself, then what are you?

And finally, “If not now, when?” Don’t let anyone tell you that college is not the “real world,” or even that high school is not the real world. If you are waiting for life to begin, then you are already late. Now is the time to lay the groundwork for your careers (even if you don’t know exactly what shape they will take quite yet), to cultivate relationships that you will carry throughout your lives, and to take advantage of the resources and knowledge available to you at college or wherever life takes you next. By sitting here tonight, you have already shown that you have a dedication to your studies and to your community. But don’t stop there! Now is the time to take what you have learned in high school, from your teachers, friends, and yes, your parents, and apply it. There is no better time than the present. 

With that in mind, I leave you with this challenge: Use this summer to learn about yourself, improve your leadership skills, and plan for year ahead. Take time to think about your own guiding principles and your vision for a brighter future. I would wish you the very best of luck, but I am quite sure you will make your own : )

[I gave this speech at the Young Women of Distinction Award Ceremony on Monday, May 20th in Rochester, NY. The 20 finalists and 4 Regional Winners were some of the most impressive people! Dr. Anne Kress PhD gave the keynote address. Thank you to the Rochester Business Alliance and everyone involved for making this award possible and for inviting me to speak!]

Back to Blogging

Since January 1st, 2013, I have kept a journal every single day. It is my Jane-A-Day Journal, a book with a Jane Austen quote for each day of the year, and a few lines to document what happened that day. A ribbon is attached to the spine of the book, and I love to watch that ribbon hold my place as the year speeds onward. It is almost halfway through the book now!

My blog came up in e-conversation today, and so I thought I'd have a look at what I had written when I last visited. It made me think about why I do this. Even when I wasn't blogging this year, I was still keeping a record of my daily activities (and a dear new friend, Nina, gave me an additional journal to work through some more personal issues...so I was double journaling for a while there). And before the blog, I kept a diary since the end of sixth grade, as evidenced by my shelf full of awkwardly written composition notebooks in my childhood bedroom (they are all written in the style of whichever book I was reading at the time, which was sadly quite frequently one of the Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging books or the Gossip Girls series, whoopsies). Adina, I know you feel me on this one.

So, why must I compulsively record the mundane events of my life? Why must so many of us, who blog or journal, or take a photograph every day, have something to show for our time?

I like to think that I don't blog because I'm self centered (although I am...it's just not WHY I blog). I like to think that I don't blog because I think my life is that interesting that other people need to read it (although...it is rather interesting). I like to think that I blog to share a piece of my humanity, to share my inner life. To make myself a little vulnerable, which (as I learned--with Elysha and the rest of my sorority--in Human Bonding this semester), leads to intimacy. After reading some of my posts, you might think you know me a little better, or understand a part of what I'm trying to achieve in this life. You might find that you connect with my inner life in a way that you couldn't connect with my outer life.

But most of all, I record the goings on of my life because time is precious. I do not want a week, a day, a moment to go by unrecognized or unremembered. I do not want to forget the jokes, insights, tenderness, and love of my friends and family members. I do not want to forget WHY my favorite professors were my favorite professors, and I do not want to wake up one morning as a college grad and think, where on earth did four years go? Because even though I might think it for a moment, I will just consult my little books, my posts, my memory box, and then I will realize--through ticket stubs I hoarded, bar wristbands I labeled with the date and place, flowers I pressed, old text messages on old phones I can't get rid of--that my life has been magical, miraculous, that, even though it can't always be seen in the moment, it can be seen afterward, and only magnifies with time. In retrospect, it is easier to add up the little things so they amass to something greater than the sum of their parts.

So, I will conclude with my day:
I worked with Lena, and we went on our traditional walk around Fall Creek neighborhood to CTB, where the same cute punk rock bagel boy took our order (WHO ARE YOU BAGEL BOY???), and we saw a blue heron on the way. I took a much deserved and longer than expected nap, I listened to the soundtrack from the Great Gatsby movie, ate dinner with Liz, Claire, and Bridget at the KD house, and studied on 7th Olin where I ran into Andrew and said goodbye to Simon (who, if you must know, came bearing a lilac flower). And now I'm blogging. Solid day.