This Isn't Hyperbole-

It really was the best weekend of my life.

Wednesday night started off with some extra time because Jewish Educator Training didn't meet. I made a really good decision and went running! Then I slapped on some deodorant, fluffed up my hair, put on some heels, and I was ready for Beer Pong! Beer Pong is always fun, and I brought the party camera this week! I got a lot of great pictures and I had so much fun dancing with my friends and watching the competitions. Not only is Herzl a great bar because they have books on the shelves there, or because they let us take over every Wednesday night, but they don't give you dirty looks when you don't order alcohol and ask for water instead! A true mark of a bar that Jordana likes.

I slept in on Thursday and went to Shalva in the afternoon to volunteer. "Shalva provides services to more than 500 participants with special needs, including infants, children, adolescents and young adults via a plethora of tailored programs and round-the-clock therapies, seven days a week. Shalva accompanies the child and his/her family from birth to adulthood. Individual programs are so designed that each participant reaches his/her full potential. By placing an emphasis on social interaction, the special needs child can better integrate into the community." (from the Shalva website http://www.shalva.org/index.aspx). I got a tour from the volunteer coordinator, Talia, who is a really positive human being and a beautiful woman. She placed me with a group of very low functioning children, and I got right to work. I worked with six non-verbal kids and four staff members (some are paid staff members, but most are religious girls doing Sherut Leumi, National Service, in place of military service), from 2:30 to 5:30 pm. We sang songs, played with Challah dough, made Kiddush (because it was the day before Shabbat started, so they have a "Kabbalat Shabbat" before the kids go home), and ate dinner. It was really hard for me to know such little Hebrew because I could not sing along to their songs or understand what the staff members were saying to each other, but I did learn some Hebrew and people were really nice. One of "my" kids actually understands English, although she cannot speak, and most know some hand signs, which I am quickly picking up. They are all extremely cute and lovable, speaking or not, and I was so happy during my time there. I can't wait to go back!

Meir was volunteering there as well on Thursday afternoon, and it was his second time so he was already a pro at getting the bus back home. We were late to Thanksgiving dinner anyway though, and we missed the program before the dinner for all the alumni and current Nativers. I didn't mind being late because my excuse was so good; volunteering is definitely the most meaningful thing I could have done on Thanksgiving. The turkey and pumpkin pie were excellent on Thursday, and I sat with some Nativers and Rabbi Paul Freedman and his wife, whose name escapes me, and it was so special because they started the Nativ program 29 years ago! We went around and said what we were thankful for, and I said the same lame thing as everyone else (family, new and old friends, this year in Israel) because I really was thankful for those things, and I know there are ten million bajillion other things I am also thankful for but in that moment I was only thinking-FAMILY, FRIENDS, ISRAEL! And I even choked up a teensy bit, though not noticeably, because I was so grateful for those three things.

After dinner on Thursday, all the Nativers watched a really funny movie made by a few girls featuring each Nativer saying something about Thanksgiving. There were some really good ones! Everything was really great, and although I hope I don't have to spend another Thanksgiving without any relatives around, I wouldn't have accepted any other substitute besides my Nativ friends this year.

Instead of the traditional weekly exodus to the bars on Thursday night, we decided to take advantage of a free jazz concert at the Southern Wall. It was a great concert that lasted about an hour, and about 15 Nativers came with. The highlight of the band was definitely the soprano sax, which is really an incredibly beautiful instrument. After the concert, a group of us walked out via the ramparts, which is a walk along the top of the Old City Walls (which were built about 400 years ago by the Ottomans, which I find terribly disappointing). There were a lot of really beautiful views and I was glad to be taking advantage of my time here. I walked home from the concert along a scenic route with Judah and Meir, and we climbed on cave rocks and walked through the empty Sultan's Pool (a huge outdoor concert venue) which was a lil sketch at night but very fun. I detoured to Crack Square before returning home, found it as grimy and pointless as usual, and went home for a relatively early night.

On Friday I woke up for lunch and headed out to Mea Shearim with LeeAnn. Mea Shearim (literally, "one hundred gates") is an Ultra-Orthodox neighborhood just past our "shopping district" downtown, and it was about a half hour walk. We dressed modestly, covering our wrists and collar bones. I took a risk and wore billowy pants that kind of look like a skirt, because I figured that if anyone did anything (there are legends of people spitting on women dressed inappropriately) it would at least make a good blog post. It turned out that people were friendly, at least the few women we spoke to, and the store clerks. The men were all running around in black suits and coats and hats. It was a dirty place, and LeeAnn kept saying, "it feels like we are in a different world." There was popcorn at every two stores, and a toy shop was selling a memory card game with rabbis' faces. Every single aspect of life there revolved around religion, and in my opinion, a bastardized interpretation of it. The Haredim reject modernity as corruption, and as a result, their lives are very backward in my eyes. We saw a little boy and a girl playing with each other and LeeAnn said, "oh, they are still at the age when they are allowed to talk to each other." This is outrageous! How can God have intended for boys and girls to not speak to each other? Still, our walk to Mea Shearim was a really great experience. I am amazed that I live so close to a totally different universe than I have ever known.

I took a really excellent pre-Shabbos shower and frummied up (that is, I dressed in more modest clothing than those of you at home have come to know as my style, because I feel comfortable here in longer skirts and high necked shirts). Meir and I walked all the way out to Talpiyot for davening at his friend's house, a Nativ alum who went on the program three years ago and is now attending Hebrew University for the semester. This friend, Josh, was hosting Kabbalat Shabbat services in his living room. We arrived and found a living room full of university age men, and one of them came to greet us. He said they weren't expecting any women, and he looked awkwardly in the direction of an alcove next to the living room. There was a chair in the alcove, and it was safely hidden away from the eyes of the focused davening men on the other side. So I sat by myself during a lovely succession of Mincha, Kab Shab, and Maariv, and I enjoyed myself greatly. I had never been so thankful for a "mechitzah" either, as it shielded me from the socially awkward situation on the other side, gave me some personal time for introspection and prayer, and let everyone in the room feel comfortable in terms of religious observance.

We left pretty much right after services were over and walked a short way (in the really, really brisk weather!) to an apartment where Meir's brother David and David's girlfriend Yael were waiting for us with a delicious Shabbat dinner. It was just the four of us, and the food was great, and we had such a fun time. I didn't want to interview David about his army experiences, but from what he talked about, I learned it is quite amazing how he lives as a soldier in a combat unit. He only gets 30 minutes to make phone calls during the week, on Thursday nights, and he only gets a Shabbat off every two weeks or so. He wasn't even allowed to come to Thanksgiving dinner at Beit Nativ. I can't imagine living that way for three whole years, especially with a girlfriend to miss and a brother here for nine months as well. David and Yael walked us most of the way home, which was really nice of them since it was cold and a long walk, and then we ran into Josh (whose apartment we had visited earlier) and he gave us pumpkin cookies that were so yummy that I am still dreaming about them.

Saturday morning, I walked Aaron and Meir to Yedidya and didn't really feel like praying so I walked by myself to Shira Chadasha where I sat with Sue, Joshy's mommy. We chattered away again, like last week, but this time we got shushed! I didn't want to upset anyone so we stopped talking and just made eye contact every once in a while with the look of admonished children feeling guilty. At kiddush, Josh's family invited me to have lunch with them at their hotel, the David Citadel, and I gratefully accepted, especially once I heard that swimming was part of the deal!

to be continued...after Talmud class : )

I CAUGHT A FOOTBALL AND DEBBIE FOUND FROSTING

This has been a particularly momentous week, and not only because of football and frosting! I am writing this to aid in the procrastination process, though, so I don't want to get too involved in a long post because procrastinating makes me feel a little nauseous and I want to start working soon.

On Friday night, I went with Adina to Yakar and it was beautiful as usual. Judah led Mincha and I nearly jumped out of my skin because he fit in so well with the other leaders at Yakar, down to the accent on ברוך אתה השם and his rhythm and tone. An entire flock of Nativ boys came as well, but there is a mechitzah and we didn't have anything to do with them until after services.

Adina and I walked most of the way home with the Nativers, and then we split off to go to her grandparents' apartment for dinner. It was an amazing experience, and I'm not just saying that because she reads my blog. The apartment was beautiful, and it was incredible to look at Jerusalem from the eleventh floor of a building. The streets below were so peaceful, but also surreal in a way, with no cars driving past and only the occasional pedestrian passing through. A component of spontaneity and fun was added by two random men from Holland, whose unlined faces both looked young but turned out to be father and son. The father was a Calvinist, but he says he doesn't believe in predestination, so I don't know what the point of being a Calvinist is if you're not going to buy into the major tenet of the faith. In fact, if I remember correctly, entire wars were fought in Europe over this Calvinism thing and it makes me a little upset that Calvinists can't even believe in the distinguishing factor. Anyway, his son apparently converted to Judaism while spending a year on Kibbutz Yavneh, one of the more religious קיבוצים. We heard a lot about the Masorti movement in Holland, because the son is a leader in the movement there, and the rest of the dinner conversation focused a lot on The War. This was obviously a watershed moment in Adina's grandfather's life, and it was interesting to have the perspective of an American pilot at the same table as a Calvinist from Holland. Adina's grandmother and another woman at the table compared various escape and survival stories, and the general theme of the evening was as WWII as it gets. Besides the company and conversation, the food was fantastic, and I got to eat broccoli, which is a treat now, and schnitzel and real, not-stale challah, and REALLY REALLY DELICIOUS pareve desserts. It felt later than 8:30, but after a huge meal, we were tired, and we walked home not long afterward.

The next morning, קמתי בשמונה בבוקר והולכת לבית כנסת (I rose at eight in the morning and went to shul). If you haven't noticed by now, אני למדתי לכתב בעברית במחשב!!! (I learned to write in Hebrew on the computer. If I have spelling or grammar mistakes, friends -ie Seffi-, please correct them!! אני רוצה ללמוד!! I want to learn!). I went to Shira Chadasha with the intent of sitting with Sue, Joshy's mom. Josh's family came to visit and they wanted to go to Shira Chadasha because it is a really nice service, but there is a mechitzah and Josh's whole family is comprised of men, except for his mom. It turned out to be an outrageously good time, and the two of us literally chattered away for two and a half hours. We were sure to be quiet and we prayed sometimes if the song was good, and I even skimmed the Torah portion translation, but mainly we just became best friends. It caused quite an uproar at Kiddush, when everyone who had been peeking at us through the cotton mechitzah commented on our ability to entertain each other.

I ate lunch back at בית נתיב (Beit Nativ--a Hebrew palindrome!!!) and read A Thousand Splendid Suns for approximately four hours, taking breaks to study Art History slides and cry (I was crying because of the rape and death in TTS, not because of Art History). I don't want to turn this blog into Oprah's book club, but REALLY! You HAVE to read this book if you care about humanity and war and love and peace and family. It is so well written and gripping and heart breaking, but also funny and hopeful. I haven't finished it yet so don't spoil it for me, but if you have read it, I would love to talk about it with you. It is definitely the kind of thing that you have to think about and process over time, and hopefully I will muster up the strength to read it again a few years down the road. It also really enhances my understanding of the political situation, tumultuous history, and Taliban in Afghanistan.

After Mincha, Seudah shlishit, Ma'ariv, and Havdalah (this would be a great time for me to know how to spell in Hebrew...so I will attempt: מנכה, סודה שלישית, מעריב, והבדלה ), I went with a few Nativers to dinner with Josh's family. What delightful and generous people! I sat with Sue again, and Seth was on my other side. The dinner, needless to say, was טעים מעוד, complete with meaty bruschetta, gourmet kajun chicken, and the most heavenly desserts you could ever dream of. Sue was really supportive of my scaredy cat eating habits, and she encouraged me gently to try different things, and I liked them all! It was also really nice to get to know Joshy's little brothers a bit, because they are all spitting images of each other and it's funny to see differences in their personalities. Josh's dad, a proud Cornell alum, led dinner discussions about politics in Israel and asked us all our opinions about peace negotiations and prisoner exchanges. There was a great atmosphere of respect at the table, whereas in other situations with other fathers I have felt an edge of ageism. Mark was genuinely interested in our opinions and the whole table shared input without judgment. We walked home filled to the brim with love and happiness, and then I was about to turn in for the night when Seth asked me to go out.

We walked to our new favorite bar where Nativers were already sitting at a booth. The bar is called Herzl, which is great to begin with, and the sign of the bar has a stylized version of Moses Ephraim Lilien's photograph of Herzl's profile, which is great because we learned about that image in Art History! Connections!!!! To get to the bar, you have to go up a narrow staircase, and it opens up into a large area with leather booths, a nice oak bar, and BOOKSHELVES!! Of course my favorite bar would have bookshelves, and I checked---they are all real books! There is also a fireplace and it is all just delightful. I love to stand on the balcony looking over the sketchy street below that we used to frequent before we knew about Herzl, and I feel so accomplished and classy knowing that I am not one of those lost and wandering failed party-goers. The night was short though, since Seth and I arrived after most people had already finished their beers or what have you, and I was ready to go home after getting bad news about Cecilia the Automobile of Lurrve, my '94 Toyota Camry.

On Sunday, I had my Art History midterm. I am pretty sure I did well on it, since there were no unseen images so it was just a matter of learning 15 slides and their significance. After school, Joe and I video chatted with Tzafon Region's Fall Kallah, and I was SOOO jealous and I stalked all my friends who were there on facebook. I looooove USYYYYY soooo much. It was nice to get a chance to talk to the region about Nativ though, and I hope that people decide to go! After the vid chat, I went to Beit Midrash and studied with a group of Nativers led by Yonina, my faaaavorite feminist Talmud scholar. I really just adore her spunky personality and quirky teaching style. She says she doesn't want to be a pulpit rabbi, but I would so join her congregation in like a second.

After Beit Midrash, Debbie called me to her room and we ate Betty Crocker chocolate frosting with spoons. She had called me on Saturday night to alert me of her find (I love knowing that my best friends understand and care about what is really important to me!) but I was fleishig and couldn't eat it. We made up for lost time on Sunday and ate until we had that perfect amount of nausea mixed with fullness mixed with happiness feeling in our stomachs.

Monday was a long day at school, and I took my Talmud midterm and I think it was a general success. I took a מונית home with Joshy because he was in a hurry, and then I got ready for football. We played the first team again, and they are pretty butchy and scary, and we lost pretty badly; HOWEVER, I caught a football in the second half!! Granted, I freaked out, nearly dropped it, forgot to run, and was immediately de-flagged, but none of that could get me down (Laura, the world's most supportive and incredible quarterback, actually got mad at me a little bit!). I had the biggest smile on my face when the game was over and we lost by an absurd amount of points (we didn't score at all...) and I was in a state of extreme excitement for the rest of the night. I caught a football!

On Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling dizzy and remained a bit ill for most of the day. I managed to get through Art History and Hebrew, which luckily were my only classes that day, and I went to sleep immediately upon returning home for five hours. I woke up for Chevruta with Adina and Rachel, which was a pleasure as always except for the fact that the sugya didn't light my fire and Josh was missing. We went to dinner at home and then it was time for Erev Nativ (ערב נתיב!!). Yossi told us about current events, mainly focusing on developments in the Gilad Shalit case, which is always difficult to talk about. I hate the thought of 450 of the worst terrorists being released in return for this one life. What about all the people whose relatives were killed by these terrorists? And then I hate that thought, because what about the all important life of Gilad? He is alive, which is a miracle, and a human life is priceless. In a sad way, it makes me feel relieved that other people are in charge of this business and that I don't have the responsibility to make decisions about other people's lives and deaths.

Then we broke into קהילה/קיבוץ (kibbutz/kehila) groups (קבוצות??) and we learned about שירת הסטיקר (?? The Sticker Song) by הדג נחש (Hadag Nachash). The song was written using political bumper stickers found on Israeli cars after the death of Yitzhak Rabin, and it has a leftist slant while still maintaining a nationalist tone. It was a nice program and I am really glad to have a better understanding of a song that I love.

Then I studied with Debbie for our Ulpan (אולפן, אני חושבת) for two hours! I know I wouldn't have studied very well if I didn't have her to tutor, and she said that I helped her out a lot too, so it worked out perfectly! I couldn't keep my eyes open by midnight, which was fine anyway since I had to wake up at 6:30 this morning for services.

I just finished my Ulpan midterm, and it didn't take me very long, so hopefully that isn't a bad thing. I felt very confident, though, and when I was reading a long passage about נחלת שבעה (a neighborhood in Jerusalem), I didn't even translate to English in my head for some parts. It was kind of cool because I felt like I was thinking in Hebrew.

Now it really is time for me to get to researching. להתראות!!!

PS. I just published this post and realized that the Hebrew gets messed up when it drops down a line, for which I apologize, but hopefully you can still understand what I intend to say).

If you like these thoughts and want to hear more...

I have been thinking about a few different things lately that haven't made it into the play-by-play account of my days, so I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you about why I like buses, street signs, and my fully stocked kitchen at home in Rochester.

I like buses here a lot, both intra and inter city. I hate bus terminals, and waiting for them, and being squeezed on them, but there is nothing more magical than the scene that pans out before me when I am seated comfortably by a window, listening to my iPod. The landscapes and illuminated skylines from Haifa to Tel Aviv, the diversity within the neighborhoods of Jerusalem. I feel like I am watching a hundred different previews, just a few frames each, of the movies of other people's lives. For example, on the bus home from Haifa on Saturday night, we stopped to let off a few people and a soldier got off the bus and went to a car. A beautiful (I think, at least-it was dark) young woman was sitting on the hood of the car and as he went to put his stuff in the back seat, she turned around, unsmiling, and flicked him off. This was such a cinematic moment! I imagined what came before and after that moment for the rest of the ride home. Was she mad he was late? that he went to the backseat first to put down his backpack, instead of passionately embracing her upon arrival? Had she learned something about him while he was away that he forgot to mention? All of these ideas delighted me.

I also love street signs. Not only street signs, but any kind of shop awning or billboard announcement or movie poster. The entire country is filled with signs for me to decode and read. Every day I learn another preposition, conjunction, or verb that opens up a whole world of understanding. A big day for me in Ulpan was when we learned about the sounds "ch," "th," "j," and "w," which are all sounds that do not exist in the Hebrew alphabet but are instead marked by apostrophes. With that, I could sound out "Juice Bar" at the bus station, instead of wondering why it was called "Goose Bar," and I'm glad I live next to King George St, instead of King Gorg. I have always loved reading street signs, and I vaguely remember trying to read signs on the highway in kindergarten and first grade while I was still learning English. Now that I get to re-experience this rapid literacy gain with full 18 year old consciousness of thought, I can fully appreciate the power of the language and the miracle of reading. It's not always rainbows and butterflies though, and there are heartbreaking, frustrating times when the bus is driving too fast for me to try every permutation of vowels and "sin" versus "shin" possibilities.

There is another heartbreaking, frustrating thing about my life, and that is that the kitchen outside my room does not have dish towels, a drying rack, a dishwasher, an easily accessible soap dispenser, a feng shui arrangment of fridge/sink/toaster, or a pantry. This is terrible! Who knew that people actually go out and BUY mats to stand on whilst at the counter, or that a paper towel rack doesn't come with the sink? Shouldn't these things be automatic? Apparently they aren't, and I am suffering. SUFFERING! I also don't have a plate, so whenever I make peanut butter and jelly, which happens about six times per week (that, by the way, is not a cause of suffering-I would (and have) eat(en) pb+j for every lunch and dinner for a month straight...and I would like it) I use a plastic bag or a piece of scrap paper upon which to rest my bread (this revised and improved sentence is dedicated to Seffi).

So those are a few of the things that occupy my time when class gets boring or I am forced to close my eyes on the bus as a result of extreme nausea, which may in turn be either the result of outrageous Israeli driving styles, facing backwards in my seat, or a particularly pungent armpit smell.

Nativ Firsts

The past week has been chock full of shechechiyanus and beginnings. I am so excited that new things are happening, and I feel like a meerkat looking excitedly from one direction to another because I want to take it all in at once. Allow me to explain the excitement (also, if you haven't picked up on this: capital letters mean I speaking really, really loudly, so just think about that as you read on):

Monday was a regularly lengthy day and I embarrassed myself in Talmud probably more than I ever have in any class by continuously repeating the opposite of the right answer for about five minutes (the opposite of the right answer is worse than a wrong answer), but its conclusion was worth all ten hours I spent at school.... WE WON IN FOOTBALL! It is our first win, out of three games, and we were just ecstatic. Stasia, Adina, and Laura all scored points, and we won by only one point! It was such a celebration! I played center for a few plays and tried my best to contribute, and even though I didn’t contribute all that much, it felt GREAT to be part of a winning team. Especially a win that we really worked hard for and deserved. It made us happy. I racewalked home with Rachel because we were all spun up about the game and we made great time and we swished our tushies in rapid motion because it’s fun.

On Tuesday, I had Art History and Hebrew in the morning, and then I did the undoable! I MADE BUTTERCREAM FROSTING!!!!!! The story is, they don’t sell buttercream frosting in the entire State of Israel and it was starting to affect my focus in class. I thought about the sugary, creamy texture on my tongue far more than can be considered a normal level, and it was seriously getting to be a problem. Now, the first part of this challenge was the grocery shopping, as I found a few consistent recipes easily. Sugar is a cognate, but I don’t know what confectioners sugar is in English let alone Hebrew! There were several kind souls in the grocery store who helped me identify the proper sugar packets and butter sticks (which, just to be confusing, are not sticks here, but more cubical rectangular prisms), and I found vanilla and milk by myself. I called Elkana and Shosh to help with metric conversions, since the recipes called for ounces instead of grams, and although they helped me, I didn’t pay too much attention to the conversion factors myself and got kind of mixed up later.

This brings me to the second part of the challenge: mixing the correct ratio of ingredients together in the right order using the right utensils and creating something that would resemble frosting. I ended up melting the butter a bit too much and realizing that I should have decanted a bit too late, not really measuring the vanilla or milk in any concrete way (I have a spoon but I still can’t keep the difference between a teaspoon and tablespoon straight) and then the sugar was pretty much just a guess and check effort. By the time it was done, the texture somewhat resembled buttercream frosting, it was definitely vanilla flavored, and it was a lot of butter and sugar. So I ate it, I loved it, I dreamed about it, and I tried to feed it to other people but apparently it was unfit for human consumption...I guess it falls into the “only a mother could love” category.

Tuesday at 5pm we tried out our new Chevruta Talmud study group. For the first few weeks of the semester, Adina and I studied together and we had such beautiful chemistry that people would probably pay money to watch us interact. Probably. Anyway, Rachel and Joshy wanted in on the Talmudic love affair, so we made room and joined forces for one MEGA CHEVRUTA. Seffi sat in on it as well because it occurred in his room, and I asked him to read the first chapter of Beware of God so I could talk to him about it, which we haven’t done yet but hopefully will soon, and you should read it (it’s a collection of short-but actually, short!- stories and you can read the first one here by scrolling down: http://www.amazon.ca/Beware-God-Stories-Shalom-Auslander/dp/product-description/0743264576 which I strongly recommend you do. It’s disturbing, and the rest of the book only gets worse, and I don’t understand a lot of it, but I feel like it’s worth trying to understand even if I don’t get very far). Anyway, our first meeting was a success, and we learned all about prayer and blessings and we covered so many of the topics we went over in class the next day.

After mega chevruta, Erev Nativ took a bizarre turn when JEWS FOR JESUS came to visit! A weird looking man wearing a Jesus t-shirt under a suit who couldn’t pronounce Hebrew very well talked to us for an hour and offended us by saying he would pray for us to accept the Jewish Messiah Yeshua in our hearts. He was charismatic and engaging though, and it was the first 100% awake Erev Nativ (all 80 Nativers were on high alert the whole time!) of the year. He was quoting Isaiah and saying that the Jewish Bible predicted “Yeshua’s” coming, that he would be born of a virgin and that he would have holes bored into him. We were just confused and upset and sooo riled up by the time he left.

Yossi said that a rabbi would now be coming to talk to us about we just heard, and there was a collective sigh of relief which quickly turned into shouts and gasps as the same man walked back in wearing a shirt and tie looking like a proper human being!!! Turns out, we were punked, and he wasn’t actually a Messianic Jew! He is an Orthodox Rabbi who specializes in teaching college age kids not to get sucked in my this craziness. We went over strategies of cult converters and how to defend ourselves. Everyone left happy, and our collective mind had totally been blown.

Wednesday was another long day, and then I went to Jewish Educator Training when I got home, and I liked it! The idea is that kids learn better when they are doing something active or playing an educational game, a premise with which I think most people would agree, but in order to learn how to teach games, you must PLAY the games! How fun! We just played Hebrew School games for two hours. It was great.

After JET, I finished my first college paper. My report on the failures of the Oslo Accords (researching resulted in tears twice-not because the work was frustrating but because it was so deeply sad to me that the peace process disintegrated over the years the way it did, and thinking about how things could have been different, and the good intentions everyone had at the beginning) was a perfect ten pages, and I proof read the whole thing even though I didn’t feel like it, and I printed and stapled and felt very proud of myself. It isn’t the longest or most impressive paper I’ve ever written, but I view it as an extra achievement because I am in Israel where I am legal, where I live in the same building with my best friends, and where there are sooo many better things to do than write a ten page paper.

On one of my breaks during the paper writing process, I was previewing 30 seconds of different Third Eye Blind songs on iTunes as usual, and I came across Bonfire. This was great. Most Third Eye Blind songs have been around for a while and although they feed my soul, they don’t excite me in the new-song kind of way. But Bonfire does, and I’ve been listening to it on repeat, either on the computer or in my head, ever since. “If nothing else I am myself/That's all I have to give/Everything's changing now.” Poetry. I’m telling you.

On Thursday, I woke up lazily and went to school in time to turn in my paper, and Aaron’s paper, to the Lady. I had a two hour break before our extra Hebrew Class, so I took my camera, the big one that feels like an extension of my left hand after two years of obsessively photographing Brighton High School for yearbook, and I found everything beautiful about Hebrew U. There is A LOT of beauty there, and it took the full two hours. I ran around like a scavenger hunt and found all the secret beautiful things there, like hidden balconies and a giant amphitheater.

We got home from school just in time for dinner on Thursday night,

and right after that I went for a great run. It had been on my to-do

list for far too long. I ended my run where the boys were playing

basketball, so I joined the crowd of spectators and did a bit of Air

Alert 3, a tenth grade track throwback routine that includes jumps

and squats. Tensions ran high at the Nativ Basketball Association, and

not even my soothing presence could keep the players from going at

each others' throats. I was glad that Nativ girls all play on the same

team for football.

After basketball, I got dressed up and went out with friends. We

always whine about wanting to go dancing somewhere fun but we

never go dancing. I still had a lot of fun though, and we made up our

own dance floor in various areas in and around the bar we frequent

most. Adina even got up the courage to play dj for a little bit! Fun times.

Friday morning I woke up, consulted with Debbie and Rachel, packed

a backpack based on the aforementioned consultation, ate lunch,

grabbed some apples for the road, bought a weekend's worth of food

at the supermarket and the shuk (a kilo of rugalach, a challah, pb&j,

lemonade, and cold cuts), and then we shoved our way onto a bus

headed for Haifa.

The bus took a really long time, although I was in a deep sleep for

most of it. Adina was meeting us in Haifa because she had a family

gathering earlier in the day, but she got there several hours before

us and she was so alone and so American and so pathetic sounding on

the phone that we couldn't wait to reunite with her. A taxi driver

told us, once we got off the bus next to a deserted station (because

Shabbat was starting soon) that we could walk to our hostel and that

it was just up the road. Too bad he didn't tell us which road, and

that we didn't think to ask. It took a really long time and the help

of many patient people to get us to the right place, and we were

so tired and anxious to arrive. Tears of joy were shed when we

entered room 25 at the beautiful youth hostel, hidden from public

view and far away from any distinguishing street signs.

Friday night was spent reading, talking, laughing, Bananagramming,

and trying to eat dinner over a period of two hours, failing, and

finishing our cold cut and challah sandwiches in about ten minutes.

I went to bed sobbing as I read the first 100 pages of A Thousand

Splendid Suns, and to the sound of crazy teenagers next door

listening to the loudest and most obnoxious music ever created

by man.

Saturday morning, we rose (almost) with the sun for a hearty

breakfast at the hostel. We could see the beach clearly

from our high perch and it was an invigorating sight in the

early hours of the day.

We had already decided we wanted to walk around the city

so we stopped at the main desk to ask for a map and some

advice. The advice was: take a taxi. This did not suit us at all,

and we studied the map. True, we would have to walk around

and over a mountain, true, it would take hours, and true,

there might not be sidewalks. BRING IT ON!

We left at 9:45 and walked on a sidewalk along a highway for

a long time. It was very hot and sunny. We were almost

discouraged. Finally, we reached a turn that brought us into

residential neighborhoods and restored our strength. We took

breaks along the way, stopping at a playground to enjoy a teeter

totter and stalk Israeli children. A little more than two hours

later, we arrived at the gate to the Bahai Gardens. It was

beautiful. We stayed there for about twenty minutes to marvel

at the harmonious combination of man and God's creations, and

to gaze out at the sea beyond, dotted with sailboats and barges.

It was perfect.

Lunch occurred in a cat filled park on a low bench. Two pb&j's

for everyone, some pretzels, some lemonade, some chocolate

tea biscuits, and we were off again! Our walk home was a

different route, and it took us through some beautiful and

interesting neighborhoods. Haifa is a really incredibly gorgeous

city, and very clean from what we saw--and we saw a lot of it.

A screen shot of our 10.2 mile hike around the city is

pictured below.

This post is to-be-continued...Beit Midrash calls!

PS. I had formatting issues, I apologize.

PPS. Title cred goes to Adina! She understands

my desire for overarching themes <3

The Whole Time I Was Thinking...What a Great Blog Post This Will Make

The past few days have been really incredible as far as new experiences go in the Holy Land. And it's true, and I talked to Seffi about it so you know it must be, that everywhere I went I was just imagining how exciting this will be for my blog. I know it won't live up to expectations, or the brilliant thoughts I had in my head at the time, but it will have to suffice.

Thursday was our last Freshman Writing class, and it was quite a celebration. It was cold in the classroom when we arrived so I started out the class with jumping jacks and up-downs, so I was wide awake and all riled up by the time class started. Our teacher wanted to meet with us individually, so the rest of the time we all just watched funny videos on the computer or danced around. My teacher liked my paper too, even though I realized that Adam has a much better grip on the Oslo Accords than I do.

Thursday afternoon was not particularly productive, but I won't count time I enjoy wasting as wasted time. I napped, I snuggled, I napped more. Then it was time for girls' football practice! We got official positions (I'm a center!) and we learned a real play! I have truly missed the feeling of playing on a team, and even that feeling before practice of UGH I SO DON'T WANT TO GO, and then loving every minute of practice.

We got back in time for dinner at home, and we had PIZZA SQUARES!!! YESSS! And then I showered and my room was empty so I sat in my towel for a good hour on facebook, which was delicious. Then I got all ready to go out and put on a really cute outfit. I ended up getting sucked into a showing of V for Vendetta, but the movie was super weird and disturbing. I wasn't in the right mindset for something so provocative, so I left after about 45 minutes with the intent of going out to the bars. I didn't get more than ten steps though, and ended up sitting outside the auditorium with Brian and Meir for a good hour. I had wanted excitement and variety, but a chill night is probably just what I needed in retrospect.

On Friday, I woke up for breakfast and then we all had to go to a talk about Conservative Judaism with Jules Gutin, the International Director of USY. The talk did not really enhance my understanding of the world in any big way, and I thought that the content was limited, if it existed at all. I would have liked a really thought provoking lecture, because I am actually questioning my status as a conservative Jew, but it just wasn't there. I was lucky enough to be sitting next to Rachel and behind Debbie though, so I was happy.

We had lunch, we got ready for Shabbat, and I watched Adam shave a Yankees symbol into the back of Joey's head, because he lost a bet about the World Series. Boys are stupid.

Before Shabbat started, I agreed to go to the shuk with Seffi, Josh, and Debbie, even though I really needed (and..um..still need) to do homework. We saw an art fair on the way to the shuk, so we detoured and found that the art was really incredible and beautiful. Lots of nice jewelry, paintings, purses, everything. Apparently it's going to be there every Friday! I will definitely be going back for gifts.

Kabbalat Shabbat services were nice because Judah led, and he wants to be a cantor, and he is really amazing. I don't like the shul on base here though, and I definitely don't like the rabbi there. He always brings his kids and they are so out of control! They were climbing on the bima like it was a jungle gym and opening the ark at random times! It was so weird. And then the rabbi interrupted his own sermonette to yell at the little kids to wait outside! Bizarre.

After services, we all went to dinner together and then to the tisch. I really love the tisch atmosphere, with the crazy singing and banging on the tables. I've learned a lot of new songs already too, which is great. I sat there and watched some people get up and dance wildly and I wondered why I wasn't one of those people too, but I just felt like staying seated that night I guess. I've completely let go of USY-the tisch isn't a ruach session. Time to move on!

After the tisch, all the girls went down to floor -2.5 for a slumber party! We weren't technically allowed to sleep there, but we had junk food and we played ten fingers and told funny stories. At one point, the boys did a raid and lined up on floor -3 (the room on -2.5 looks out over -3) and they yelled a song at us while saluting. It was adorable, and we all squealed like piglets when they tried to break into our room. The sleepover got a little too loud and honest for me after an hour and a half though, and I removed myself from the situation for a game of dice and chilling out before bed.

On Saturday, I went to Yakar with Rachel, and Cori, Judah, and Sara met us there. It was a lovely service as usual, and I'm glad that Rachel liked it! The slow, spiritual, uncommon tunes aren't for everyone. We started getting a lil sleeps during the Torah service, so we took a nice stroll down the street and I showed them the tree that interested me so much last week. When we got back, I read the parsha in English and I was HOR-RI-FIED. HORRIFIED! The perversion and pessimism in that portion (Vayera) was OUT OF CONTROL. It is nice that God visits the sick and Abraham welcomes in the weary travelers, but it is NOT NICE AT ALL that Lot's daughters sleep with him. I was upset. And then they both had babies, and I was even more upset.

We walked home, we ate lunch, and I sat with Brian--but this caused drama! Adina really wanted to sit next to me during lunch (I wanted to sit next to her during the tisch but the universe just is not aligning for us right now), but then I wondered: is she just hanging out with me for the fame and glory? Am I just a blog post shout out to her? And I thought, even if I am just a gateway to stardom for her, I don't care; I want to sit next to Adina enough at meals that I am willing to be used. Also, she said she likes my earrings, remembers the names of my family members, and knows what I do on Sunday nights in Rochester, NY. So I'll take it.

After lunch, the Kehilla group had a study session with Jules Gutin. He asked, what if someone could prove to you that the stories in the Torah never happened? There was a general consensus, I thought, that it would not affect everyone's religious beliefs too much because we take the Torah as a divinely inspired document meant to teach us morality. My personal feeling is that the whole idea of proving religion is exactly what we should try to not do, and that we should rely on faith and belief. My faith has grown extremely strong here and I am very comfortable with the idea that God exists and that the Torah is a holy document because it's what I want to believe. It's not like wanting to believe that it can snow when it is 65 degrees out, because it can't. It's just that I have this faith and hope that God exists and that's enough for me.

A highlight of the study session was definitely when Seth made a parallel to penguin families and Adam, who was sitting between me and Seth, interrupted Seth to correct him by saying, "Have you SEEN the penguin movies?" I'm still laughing. You might have to know them.

The break between the study session and mincha was over before it even started. We davened mincha as a group, ate a little seudah shlishit, and did maariv and havdalah. Havdalah was nice, and Ariella led it, and I was in a little hug circle with all people that I love so so much.

After all of this, there was a mad rush to shower and prepare for the Yitzchak Rabin memorial ceremony. It has been 14 years since his assassination, and every year there is a ceremony in Kikar Rabin in Tel Aviv. There were projectors everywhere of the speakers (everyone on the left was there...Tzipi Livni included!) but they didn't have subtitles! The only speech I understood was Barack Obama's video message, which was LOADED with political content. Apparently the speeches were all really left-wing, political, and anti-right/anti-religious. I walked along the blocked-off streets next to Kikar Rabin with people during the speeches, visited the memorial, ate a delicious magnum bar, and listened to the concerts. Hadag Nachash played at the end so that was cool, even though I was so envious of all the people who knew all the words to these Hebrew songs!

I slept the whole way back to Jerusalem, loaded my pics to fb, and went straight to bed, which was a great decision. I woke up 8.5 hours later in time for a lil breakfast, a lil homework, a lil snugglin, a lil art history. Art History was cool today because we learned about Israeli art in the 1920's, which is significantly more interesting from an artistic point of view than Israeli art in the very early 1900's.

I spoke to Yossi and Elkana after class and they put my mind at ease about several issues that had previously been troubling me. I enjoy talking to both of them very much and I trust and respect them explicitly as authority figures. It is nice to know I am in such good hands.

I then ran out to the supermarket for a little shop shop, and then I attempted to do homework but ended up filling out my USY on Wheels job application! Vote for me!!!

Now I am about to go for another study session with Jules Gutin. Wish me luck!

Days of Disillusionment

The past several days have been revolutionary for me in terms of how I view Israel, Judaism, and relationships. It has been a very positive thing, because I want to see the world more clearly, but it has also been very hard to come out of my cave, as Plato might say (Mrs. Hall, wherever you are...I paid attention!). So now I am here, blinded by the light of truth, and only slowly beginning to feel the warmth of the sun. And this is where the philosophical metaphor ends. Behold the story:

Shabbat was rainy and cold, and my walk-to-shul date stood me up! Since neither of us use our cells on Shabbat, I made the decision to walk by myself in the rain, and I'm glad I did; it was a great time for personal reflection and alone time--a commodity in very short supply here. I went to Yakar, where I am starting to feel like a regular, and the twenty minute walk felt like just a few blocks (okay, realistically, it is only a few blocks, but they are long blocks!). There are two minyanim at Yakar-a riled up one upstairs and a calm and spiritual one downstairs. I have gone to the upstairs one a few times, but the rainy day mood fit with the downstairs melodies, and everything was at peace. I sat with Cori, my staff member who always goes to Yakar, and a woman with the most beautiful voice I have ever heard sat behind us. She was Israeli and she had such a soft and interesting voice! I didn't sing much because I was unfamiliar with the tunes, but I just let myself get lost in the prayers of others. It was nice.

I walked home with Cori and her friend Sylvie, who went on Nativ 24. Both of them made alliyah recently and joined the army, so a lot of the discussion on the walk back centered around the hardships of living in Israel as new olim, and this was the beginning of my realization. This is not just a realization in the sense that I know life in Israel is more difficult than it is in the United States, but a true and deep understanding of the fact that if I were to make Israel my home, my life would be completely unrecognizable and not only would I never have root beer again, I would face incredible personal challenges every single day.

We got home late for dinner and all was well in the world. I sat between Liza and Stephanie, I think, which was a great change of pace. Even though I love my best friends here more than anything in the whole world, we are all beginning to need our space and separation, from time to time. I can't even imagine the horror of the end of Nativ when we spread out by hundreds and hundreds of miles, but more than a few feet between our beds would be nice sometimes.

The tisch was low key on Friday night, and my no-banging-on-the-table campaign went over really well. We sat in a circle, as opposed to around a table, and sang songs. It was beautiful as usual, only in a quieter, less intense kind of way. The tisch ended with our staff talking more about making alliyah and also the feminism in Judaism debate. I used to be 100% against "inequality" in shul, but now I attend a minyan with a mechitzah every week, at a place where women can't even touch the Torah. Why is that okay? Because I don't feel any more spiritually connected by touching my siddur to the Torah than I do when I sit in a community of women and pray and sing. Sitting next to a man doesn't open up the communication lines to heaven for me any better than sitting next to a girl. It's pe

rsonal, and believe me, I understand the other side, because I was there for 18 years.

Saturday morning I woke up, woke up all the people I promised I would, and headed back out to Yakar. Services were great of course, but I felt myself seriously dozing during the Torah service. I excused myself and took a walk in a direction I had never been before, and the sights were incredible. There was this super cool tree trunk that was bent so it looked like a zig zag tetris piece and there was a "bench" on it halfway up and I really wanted to climb it but did you know that climbing trees is not allowed on Shabbos!? And I was wearing a skirt anyway. Then I continued past a school and a playground and a swarm of ants like you've never seen before! I marveled at God's creation and got back just in time for

the blessings after the Haftarah.

Saturday after lunch, I accidentally took another really long nap like last week. I was really disoriented when I woke up because one of my roommates came into the room and it was dark outside, and I thought it was time for school. Once I realized that it wasn't time for school, I realized it was actually time for the all time greatest pagan holiday: Halloween!!! I got on my pumpkin worshipping outfit (I was a kitty, of course) and we headed out to the bars. People had told me that other Americans at the bars were dressing up, but this was absolutely not true. I was actually the only one. I was glad that I was a kitty, but I definitely received some drunken comments that I could have lived without. Lesson learned.

On Sunday during Art History, I realized that I like western art way more than Israeli art. I didn't mean for it to happen this way, but the way I felt when my teacher showed a slide of Pissarro versus Hirszenberg was like two different hemispheres of emotions. I suddenly felt hugely anti-Israel, and this disappointed me. How could I like impressionism more than uniquely Jewish art? How could I like the story of light falling between tree leaves more than the anguish and history of my own people? I surprised myself with this realization. The good thing that has come out of it, however, is that now I can separate significance from aesthetics, and appreciate art for different reasons.

After school on Sunday, I loitered around until it was time for Beit Midrash. A small group of Nativers went to the Yeshiva at dinnertime for pizza and text study, and I opted to study with the only female rabbinical student about fair treatment of animals (a surprise on both accounts, I know). She was actually awesome, and kind of reminded me of one of my best friends from Tzafon and two-time Regional Rel-Ed, Ayelet. Both of these women have a really down to earth way of relating the meaning of text while remaining absurdly knowledgeable. I learned so much because I felt comfortable asking questions, I got good answers back, and I was totally engaged in the discussion. It was a popular study group, and I think a lot of us will go back next week. Plus...how can I turn away free pizza??

After Beit Midrash, the girls' football team met in the auditorium on level negative three (Josh has petitioned to move -3 to -1 but the tectonic plates have not yet shifted in our favor) and we watched Remember the Titans!!! I blame everyone who has known me pre-Nativ for not exposing me to this masterpiece. We cried, we laughed, we held hands, we covered our eyes, we sang, we clapped...why have I not known about this!? It was great GREAT team bonding.

Monday was a long ass day of school, which started with davening at 6:45 am. When I got home from school at 6:45 pm, I had to eat a granola bar and go to the football game in the pouring rain. Here, we have to be really careful about what we say regarding rain, because it is SO important that it rains (I feel guilty every time I shave my legs in the shower) but it was just so cold and I was unprepared and tired. The game ended up being really fun, and the rain let up a bit. I played a teensy bit and tried to contribute (I played center this time, and I hiked the ball successfully!), and I was especially good at cheering on Adina, who is my personal MVP.

Tuesday morning was Art History and Hebrew again, and a dramatic city bus adventure. I don't know if the other people trying to get on the bus find it as amusing as I do, but it is always so crowded, and everyone budges, so there is nothing left to do. When in Rome...

Tuesday night was a particularly interesting Erev Nativ. We were supposed to do a night walking tour of Jlem but it was so rainy that not even our staff could bear it. Instead, we watched Someone to Run With, an Israeli film with English subtitles. The movie dealt with homelessness, drug rings, violence, family, addiction, and all sorts of other terrible things--and it was all filmed within ten minutes of Beit Nativ, where we hang out every day! It really deeply affected a lot of us, and I especially will not forget this movie for a long time. My romanticized view of Jerusalem is fading by the day. I don't like this city any less, though, in fact I might enjoy the reality more than the touristy perspective. We'll see.

Today I had davening, three hours of Hebrew, an hour and a half of Talmud (do we have free will? can a person be ethical without free will? how far does our freedom of choice go?), and then Israeli Society and Politics until 6 pm. Society and Politics is further peeling back the layers of illusions I have about Israel, particularly on the subject of human rights. Israel has no constitution (only a set of Basic Laws), and subsequently no declaration of human rights. Israel built a security fence that separates Palestinian farmers from their fields (to get to the fields, they have to pass through an army operated check point), and political correctness doesn't even exist here.

I got home tonight in time for a little pb+j and leftover birthday cake scavenging with Lainie and Sarah. Then it was off to Jewish Educator Training where I learned how to plan an interactive lesson for all age ranges. It was a really good class tonight!

Now, my freshman writing assignment calls, and I wish I could write down every entertaining thought that ever passes through my mind, but I can't, and I'm sorry.

L'hit!