Shabbat was rainy and cold, and my walk-to-shul date stood me up! Since neither of us use our cells on Shabbat, I made the decision to walk by myself in the rain, and I'm glad I did; it was a great time for personal reflection and alone time--a commodity in very short supply here. I went to Yakar, where I am starting to feel like a regular, and the twenty minute walk felt like just a few blocks (okay, realistically, it is only a few blocks, but they are long blocks!). There are two minyanim at Yakar-a riled up one upstairs and a calm and spiritual one downstairs. I have gone to the upstairs one a few times, but the rainy day mood fit with the downstairs melodies, and everything was at peace. I sat with Cori, my staff member who always goes to Yakar, and a woman with the most beautiful voice I have ever heard sat behind us. She was Israeli and she had such a soft and interesting voice! I didn't sing much because I was unfamiliar with the tunes, but I just let myself get lost in the prayers of others. It was nice.
I walked home with Cori and her friend Sylvie, who went on Nativ 24. Both of them made alliyah recently and joined the army, so a lot of the discussion on the walk back centered around the hardships of living in Israel as new olim, and this was the beginning of my realization. This is not just a realization in the sense that I know life in Israel is more difficult than it is in the United States, but a true and deep understanding of the fact that if I were to make Israel my home, my life would be completely unrecognizable and not only would I never have root beer again, I would face incredible personal challenges every single day.
We got home late for dinner and all was well in the world. I sat between Liza and Stephanie, I think, which was a great change of pace. Even though I love my best friends here more than anything in the whole world, we are all beginning to need our space and separation, from time to time. I can't even imagine the horror of the end of Nativ when we spread out by hundreds and hundreds of miles, but more than a few feet between our beds would be nice sometimes.
The tisch was low key on Friday night, and my no-banging-on-the-table campaign went over really well. We sat in a circle, as opposed to around a table, and sang songs. It was beautiful as usual, only in a quieter, less intense kind of way. The tisch ended with our staff talking more about making alliyah and also the feminism in Judaism debate. I used to be 100% against "inequality" in shul, but now I attend a minyan with a mechitzah every week, at a place where women can't even touch the Torah. Why is that okay? Because I don't feel any more spiritually connected by touching my siddur to the Torah than I do when I sit in a community of women and pray and sing. Sitting next to a man doesn't open up the communication lines to heaven for me any better than sitting next to a girl. It's pe
rsonal, and believe me, I understand the other side, because I was there for 18 years.
Saturday morning I woke up, woke up all the people I promised I would, and headed back out to Yakar. Services were great of course, but I felt myself seriously dozing during the Torah service. I excused myself and took a walk in a direction I had never been before, and the sights were incredible. There was this super cool tree trunk that was bent so it looked like a zig zag tetris piece and there was a "bench" on it halfway up and I really wanted to climb it but did you know that climbing trees is not allowed on Shabbos!? And I was wearing a skirt anyway. Then I continued past a school and a playground and a swarm of ants like you've never seen before! I marveled at God's creation and got back just in time for
the blessings after the Haftarah.
Saturday after lunch, I accidentally took another really long nap like last week. I was really disoriented when I woke up because one of my roommates came into the room and it was dark outside, and I thought it was time for school. Once I realized that it wasn't time for school, I realized it was actually time for the all time greatest pagan holiday: Halloween!!! I got on my pumpkin worshipping outfit (I was a kitty, of course) and we headed out to the bars. People had told me that other Americans at the bars were dressing up, but this was absolutely not true. I was actually the only one. I was glad that I was a kitty, but I definitely received some drunken comments that I could have lived without. Lesson learned.
On Sunday during Art History, I realized that I like western art way more than Israeli art. I didn't mean for it to happen this way, but the way I felt when my teacher showed a slide of Pissarro versus Hirszenberg was like two different hemispheres of emotions. I suddenly felt hugely anti-Israel, and this disappointed me. How could I like impressionism more than uniquely Jewish art? How could I like the story of light falling between tree leaves more than the anguish and history of my own people? I surprised myself with this realization. The good thing that has come out of it, however, is that now I can separate significance from aesthetics, and appreciate art for different reasons.
After school on Sunday, I loitered around until it was time for Beit Midrash. A small group of Nativers went to the Yeshiva at dinnertime for pizza and text study, and I opted to study with the only female rabbinical student about fair treatment of animals (a surprise on both accounts, I know). She was actually awesome, and kind of reminded me of one of my best friends from Tzafon and two-time Regional Rel-Ed, Ayelet. Both of these women have a really down to earth way of relating the meaning of text while remaining absurdly knowledgeable. I learned so much because I felt comfortable asking questions, I got good answers back, and I was totally engaged in the discussion. It was a popular study group, and I think a lot of us will go back next week. Plus...how can I turn away free pizza??
After Beit Midrash, the girls' football team met in the auditorium on level negative three (Josh has petitioned to move -3 to -1 but the tectonic plates have not yet shifted in our favor) and we watched Remember the Titans!!! I blame everyone who has known me pre-Nativ for not exposing me to this masterpiece. We cried, we laughed, we held hands, we covered our eyes, we sang, we clapped...why have I not known about this!? It was great GREAT team bonding.
Monday was a long ass day of school, which started with davening at 6:45 am. When I got home from school at 6:45 pm, I had to eat a granola bar and go to the football game in the pouring rain. Here, we have to be really careful about what we say regarding rain, because it is SO important that it rains (I feel guilty every time I shave my legs in the shower) but it was just so cold and I was unprepared and tired. The game ended up being really fun, and the rain let up a bit. I played a teensy bit and tried to contribute (I played center this time, and I hiked the ball successfully!), and I was especially good at cheering on Adina, who is my personal MVP.
Tuesday morning was Art History and Hebrew again, and a dramatic city bus adventure. I don't know if the other people trying to get on the bus find it as amusing as I do, but it is always so crowded, and everyone budges, so there is nothing left to do. When in Rome...
Tuesday night was a particularly interesting Erev Nativ. We were supposed to do a night walking tour of Jlem but it was so rainy that not even our staff could bear it. Instead, we watched Someone to Run With, an Israeli film with English subtitles. The movie dealt with homelessness, drug rings, violence, family, addiction, and all sorts of other terrible things--and it was all filmed within ten minutes of Beit Nativ, where we hang out every day! It really deeply affected a lot of us, and I especially will not forget this movie for a long time. My romanticized view of Jerusalem is fading by the day. I don't like this city any less, though, in fact I might enjoy the reality more than the touristy perspective. We'll see.
Today I had davening, three hours of Hebrew, an hour and a half of Talmud (do we have free will? can a person be ethical without free will? how far does our freedom of choice go?), and then Israeli Society and Politics until 6 pm. Society and Politics is further peeling back the layers of illusions I have about Israel, particularly on the subject of human rights. Israel has no constitution (only a set of Basic Laws), and subsequently no declaration of human rights. Israel built a security fence that separates Palestinian farmers from their fields (to get to the fields, they have to pass through an army operated check point), and political correctness doesn't even exist here.
I got home tonight in time for a little pb+j and leftover birthday cake scavenging with Lainie and Sarah. Then it was off to Jewish Educator Training where I learned how to plan an interactive lesson for all age ranges. It was a really good class tonight!
Now, my freshman writing assignment calls, and I wish I could write down every entertaining thought that ever passes through my mind, but I can't, and I'm sorry.
L'hit!
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