I am sitting on a hotel bed looking out at Jerusalem right now, despondent, helpless, and lonely for lack of internet. This word document will have to do until I return home to my beloved Yerucham, place of friends, traffic circles, familiar faces, and routine.
On Wednesday, I woke up early for a little volunteering before I left for Jerusalem, but after a series of vague text messages and dissatisfying phone conversations, it became clear that I would not be able to work after all. This situation was even more frustrating because had I known earlier, I would have gone to visit the other half of Nativ (read: Meir) on Kibbutz Ein Tzurim the night before and left with friends to come to Jerusalem from there.
Even my best laid plan was thwarted by forces outside of my control, and I left Yerucham on Wednesday at 11:30 am alone. The bus to Be’er Sheva was pleasant, and it was not too hard to find the bus from there to Jerusalem, which took longer. These bus rides gave me too much time to think about the book I had just finished, The Time Traveler’s Wife (which is really quite incredible and tragic). The book, which I devoured over a period of four days, is not only a beautiful literary feat but also a brain catalyst that makes the reader think about things that are sad, scary, overwhelming, and would generally turn a person crazy if he or she were to contemplate these issues on a regular basis. Such items include: free will/predestination, whether everything that will happen has already happened and is happening now and everything happens at the same time but we move through time (think Slaugherhouse Five), miscarriages, marriage, cheating, suicide, drug use, AIDS, hypothermia, limb amputation, helplessness, love, family, manic-depressive disorder, death, cancer, car accidents, and other things--this book has really got it all. It really got me thinking, obviously, and I considered articulating my detailed conclusions here, because it is my blog after all and I can write what I want, but I decided instead to sum up by saying: I don’t want anything bad to happen to me, and I am going to try very hard to find a husband who is not chronologically impaired because it would really stress me out if he was always disappearing and going to 1973 or something.
Once in Jerusalem, I decided to take a bus to the hotel because my bag was heavy. The bus driver forgot to tell me when to get off, so I went about fifteen minutes too far in the other direction. Exactly what I didn’t want to happen, and exactly why I wanted to travel with friends! Anyway, I figured I had gone too far, got off, and met an angel at the bus stop across the street while I was waiting for the bus to come and bring me back the way I came. He helped me navigate, helped carry my bag, helped me not freak out, and just talked to me. He was a religious man, probably in his late 20’s or early 30’s, and he was actually sent from God himself to guide me to the Ganei Moriah Hotel on Wednesday February 17th. I finally arrived, four hours later from when I started, and checked into my room. I was half an hour late.
I came to Jerusalem in the first place because I am attending a MASA College Leadership seminar for these four days where we focus on how to advocate for Israel on college campuses in North America and become Jewish leaders. We talked about Jewish identity, heroes, leadership qualities, went on a walking tour. I’ve done all of this before and most of the people I’m with (16 total participants from other gap year programs, mostly Young Judaea) also have, so I don’t understand why everything we say must be reiterated by each person in the room. I find the group discussions very repetitive, and it seems like each person just wants his or her chance to word the same idea in a different or better way. I want new ideas!!!! I am begging for new ideas.
The walking tour was really cool because our tour guide was good and I learned some new things. Today we’ve already had quite a few activities and it’s only 2:30, but again, mostly things I’ve done before, in one way or another. There’s this general feeling of all of us slapping ourselves on the backs and “preaching to the choir” has come up at least twice today. I’m having a little Holden Caufield attitude right now, which is not the group attitude at all, and I feel like I’m just sitting in this room with phonies. It’s probably not the best outlook, actually. After this reflection, I’m going to try some self-criticism and I’ll tell you how it goes later.
Several Days Later:
I love being home in Yerucham in my cute little apartment where my friends are busy singing 90’s music and cooking a group dinner, but I miss my amazing friends from the MASA leadership program!!!!
As it turned out, I loved the people on the program, and they weren’t phonies at all, I just wasn’t expecting their enthusiasm and interest to be as genuine as it was. I went out with my new friends on Thursday night and we made the homeward trek to dear old Crack Square. On Friday, we visited Har Herzl and the Begin Center, which are both great of course, and I skipped out on a little programming to have my Wheels Interview!!! Regardless of the outcome, it felt great to talk about Wheels for an hour, and it got me really excited to staff USY (hopefully on Wheels, but if not, all the other things I plan to staff!). Meir surprised me at the hotel at 8:15 am and showed up in the lobby at the moment we were getting on the bus for the day, and then I saw him again after my interview for a while and we walked around Jerusalem for a bit. It was magical.
Friday evening, instead of going to services, I had a spirituality discussion with the group leader and my friend Alon from Year Course. It was a really cool discussion but also hard because we were really trying to be honest with ourselves. We had more programs and lectures over Shabbat, including a super deep boundary breaking bonding program late on Friday night. Saturday was nice, I did yoga in the morning on the roof with some girls and then we had a day of programming and lectures. I was sad to say good bye!
After we checked out of the hotel, Haley, Marc, and I walked to Beit Nativ to see Mayaan, the receptionist whom we miss and love. There, I ran into David, and he gave me the much needed information regarding transportation home to Yerucham and we planned to meet at the bus stop and travel together, which really took a load off. Then we met Brian at the top of Ben Yehuda, I got a milkshake, they got beers, we were all happy, and then we walked to the bus station where I met Meir who had just come from the airport to get a bag he lost, and before that he was in Modiin. It was quite the logistical miracle, I must say. We were able to spend about a 95 really high quality minutes together, and during that time we also got to see his brother David and Chen. It was great. The midnight bus home to Yerucham wasn’t too bad either, and it was nice to have some Nativers with me.
Yesterday I worked at the high school for a long, full day. It was very hard. The 8th graders that are flunking out of every class were calling me really bad names and the teachers have no control over them! But I felt like I helped a few kids, and that made it worth it. After school, I picked up my photos for my wall (which make me sooo happy!!!!), bought kippah crocheting materials (failboat, so far...stay tuned for good news updates on the kippah front), and I went to a Hebrew lesson. The Hebrew lessons are so hard here because it’s a mix of levels and I am at the bottom of the class and I’m embarrassed because I don’t know anything. But it’s not my fault that I don’t know anything so I try not to be despondent and just work hard. Anyway. After Hebrew, we had an apartment dinner which was delicious and cute and everything you ever dreamed 9 girls living together would look like whilst dining. Adorable. The night concluded with a screening of Josh’s Italian Z-Job documentary and a super fun meeting of WWC with Jonny and Seffi.
Today’s story involves me breaking some Nativ rules, apparently, but I don’t think that my staff cares about me enough anymore to read my blog so I am not worried about what I write here. And if they do read it, then they’ll know that I don’t think they care about me anymore and then they’ll feel bad and probably won’t yell at me anyway. Anyway, the story: Today was supposed to be a regular day at school, so we were all ready to go at 8:15 in the teacher’s lounge when we found out that classes were cancelled in place of Purim spirited fun day. We hung around for an hour, there was nothing to do, we went home. I got on a bus and went to Be’er Sheva, Kastina, and finally to Ein Tzurim, the kibbutz where the other half of Nativ is staying. Meir broke his foot yesterday so I went with him and Nadiv to the hospital in Ashkelon to get the x-rays and cast etc. This did not please staff because, apparently, the proper procedure when we are presented with free time is to alert staff and wait for them to find something for us to do. Somehow, I was the only high school volunteer out of six who received any kind of reprimand today, even though no one else called staff or volunteered extra. Despite this one setback, the day was great and the hospital was fine and everything turned out fine. It was great to see the kibbutz too-it’s really beautiful!! I left there around six, caught a ride out of kibbutz with a nice religious man who lived in Gush Katif pre-disengagement, and he took me to Kastina. The bus ride home was really nice, especially since I knew where I was going. I love the desert at night and the isolated pockets of civilization that appear as collections of gold lights against complete velvet black, and everything fit perfectly with my musical selection of Ratatat-check it out if you are not in the Ratatat loop-it's fun for all ages!
I got home in time tonight to send out my laundry, put up my pictures, and fail at crocheting. What a good day.
Wow.
ReplyDelete