The Homeland

Warsaw. July 7, 2011

Before the war, a third of this city's population was Jewish.

The president of the Warsaw Ghetto Judenrat (Jewish Police) committed suicide because he didn't want to hand over Jews to the Germans. We visited his grave.

Tikochin. July 8, 2011

"For centuries the whisper of those prayers ascended to heaven--it has stopped now. Will it ever be heard again? And was it an alien hope that sounded there, or our own?" --Stanistaw Vincenz

The Polish bus driver left the bus door open while he had a cigarette so now I am hunting bees on our bus with the rest of my staff. We are sinking into the mud in the parking lot. Besides that, however, Tikochin is incredible. The synagogue here is enormous and beautiful. It has been turned into somewhat of a museum and pictures of Jews from before the war are all around. I found one that looks just like Mama! Literally just like her! I can't stop looking at her. I guess it's true that we always view our mothers as the most beautiful people in the world. The pictures here make me feel like this is my heritage. I look like a Polish Jew. I feel like a Polish Jew. I've always felt that Israel is my homeland from a religious and cultural standpoint but I feel like Poland's shtetls are my family's origin.

Tikochin looks like a living museum. There is a man selling whittled wood outside the synagogue. He is bearded and old and poor. He looks like an actor. He looks like what he is making.

Yuval borrowed my camera to take pictures of a photograph of the Bnei Akiva youth movement, a movement he was part of growing up in Israel. He also took a picture of a beautiful girl on a beach in a bathing suit. He's crushing on a dead woman.

Nazi soldiers forced Jews from Tikochin to sing HaTikvah ("The Hope," now the Israeli national anthem) as they marched them to their deaths in the pits of the forest. Within two days, the Jewish community that had lasted 400 years was entirely destroyed.

I've never seen so many stars of David and Israeli flags. The kids love to take pictures of the symbolism. I do too. Just as the Swastika sends such a strong message, so does the Magen David (the Star of David). I'm proud to be wearing it around my neck now. They also love to take pictures of butterflies, flowers, barbed wire, fences, and railroad tracks. We create a language with these symbols so the images read like a text.

Josh broke down in tears here, one of the few. It's a beautiful forest with birds chirping and the sweet smell of confiers. I wish I could imagine it so well that I could cry.

Yuval chanted El Malei Rachamim, "God, Full of Mercy." He began to cry when he was singing these words in Hebrew:

"O God, full of mercy, Who dwells on high,

grant proper rest on the wings of the Divine Presence -

in the lofty levels of the holy and the pure ones,
who shine like the glow of the firmament

for the soul of the dead
who have gone on to his world,

because, without making a vow,
I will contribute to charity in remembrance of their souls.

May their resting place be in the Garden of Eden -

therefore may the Master of Mercy
shelter them in the shelter of His wings for Eternity,
and may He bind their souls in the Bond of Life.

God is their heritage,
and may they repose in peace on their resting place.

Now let us respond: Amen."

I asked him later why he began to cry, thinking he was just so moved by the moment. But he wasn't. He is the most religious person I have ever been close to, and to hear him say this was very sad for me. He said he cried because the words of the prayer were impossible for him to believe at that moment, that "God Full of Mercy" was a false title. That as we stood above the death pits, he could not believe in a merciful God.

Now we are watching "Fiddler on the Roof" on the bus to depict shtetl life. Everyone EVERYONE is singing along. I am proud to report that I know all the words.

"Life has a way of confusing us, blessing and bruising us"

I just went pee in the woods at a rest stop. I have a stinging, raised rash crawling up my legs. I fear for my life. There is also a dog following me. Sup, Poland?