There are cool people everywhere

Today marks the one year anniversary of my White Coat Ceremony at medical school, a monumental day in my journey toward becoming a doctor and an immensely stressful day in my life. It was move-in day, I was exhausted, I was in a fight with the person I was dating at the time, and the only people around who weren't total strangers were my parents and they have a knack for pushing my buttons in tense moments, as all parents do.

I was terrified that I was the only lazy kid who hadn't taken genetics in college, and I felt like the only person in the world on student loans. My best friends who loved me unconditionally and whom I loved unconditionally were spread far and wide across the country, and I couldn't remember how to make all new friends in an all new place.

Here is an excerpt from an email I received at that time from a mentor of mine, who has always given the best advice: 
"In time people will start to let their real selves show. I guarantee there is someone in your class who is thinking the same thing, "where are the cool people?" I know you'll find them. Finding cool people is like finding a drug dealer. If you are in a new town and you take drugs, you can find a drug dealer within a few weeks. You just have to look for the subtle cues (I don’t do any drugs, so I don’t know what those cues are). In your case, it might be a funny sarcastic comment, a raised eyebrow from the quiet girl/guy when someone else is being a jerk, or the person who hasn't misplaced the "why", in why he/she wants to be a doctor."

Fast forward one year, to today. To this glorious, happy day. It started with me and my roommate (for a second year!) in our beautiful apartment chatting about last night. Then a yoga class with my best friend Victoria, then speaking on the phone with Elaine, who is starting medical school this year. Hearing her concerns reminded me of where I was a year ago, and how far I have come. My fears about failure have gone away, mostly, and I know that I am doing absolutely the right thing with my life. My anxiety about student loans is manageable because it is shared by so many of my peers. And sweetest of all, I have found the cool people. I have found the people who have not misplaced the why, the funny people, the endlessly interesting people. These are the people I miss when they are gone, and they miss me. The people it took too long to find, but thank goodness I did, because they were worth waiting for. 

Knowing that I have found my people has let everything else fall into place. I wear "Jordana outfits" and fly the feminist flag high and proud. I have found my voice this year and learned to speak up against racial inequality. I met professors and doctors that hold these same convictions, and I took note of which students showed up at the White Coats For Black Lives events. I began to understand intersectionality in an entirely new way and at the same time, I learned who I wanted by my side during this period of discovery. 

The biggest discovery this year has been that I would rather be fulfilled than have fun, but that working toward fulfillment is what brings me the greatest joy. My heart and mind are open to the struggles of other people and other groups, and that openness has allowed me to feel deep love. In the midst of fighting the racist/sexist/homophobic/classist/ableist/+ist system, the restoring factor has been my best friendships. No matter how discouraged I am after volunteering at the elementary school downtown, or how exhausted I am after the foot clinic, or disgusted after reading an oppressive article, or embarrassed after being part of a hateful discussion, I am rejuvenated by my people. Always. They are there for me, and I am there for them, and together we are going to make the world a little better or die trying.

In honor of Shabbat, here is my meditation for tonight, from Siddur Sim Shalom:

And the fountain is enriched
The more I draw from it.